No, he doesn't talk.............anymore.

Take my word for it, even if you DO build a really awesome igloo out of ice-cubes in your freezer, don't kid yourself into believing that your parakeet wants to play "March of the Penguins" in there.

Illegal use of hands.

I'm bummed that Pennsylvania College of Art and Design doesn't have a football team. Sure, they would suck, but their uniforms would be fabulous.

I'm only happy when it rains..........

Rain, rain, go away. Or I'll be forced to slit my wrists. Hmmm, that doesn't rhyme as well as I remember.

Nobody doesn't like.........

Today, I filled out a job application at "BJ's Wholesale Club". There was a question on it which asked "have you ever worked for BJ's before?". I answered "Worked for, no. But I have spent a hell of a lot of money buying drinks"............. So far, no callback.

Government prostate exam.

My ears were "burning" today. It is said that this means someone is talking about you. At the same time, however, my butt-hole started hurting. I guess the person talking about me was from the IRS.